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This is what Hajime Saito really looks like.
He's blurry like Bigfoot.
It's not that there's anything wrong with the camera or photo,
he's just a blurry person.
So I wonder,
does Hajime Saito = Bigfoot?
Cast your vote! |
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As I walked out of school today, that empty hallway I take to leave the school each day seemed small. I remember in elementary school, the hallways seemed huge, and to be able to jump up and touch the lights which hung lower than the ceiling was an accomplishment. Having gone back there last summer, I had to be careful not to hit my head on those lights.
I remember picking fights with older kids in elementary school, I didn't win all of the time, actually more often than not I got trounced, but the harder I fell, the faster I got up, the harder I worked to become better. I didn't know what to fight for back then, it was usually over one thing or another, I thought different for someone of my age, I was already interested in the mysteries of the world, I sought to bring magic to life. That was worth fighting for then, and it still is now. The speaker for the Senior Retreat said that ideals, not competition should be what we strive for. I'm not simply competing for strength, I'm competing for the strength to defend my ideals and the ideals of others. |
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May. 21st, 2006 @ 12:38 pm
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俠
Interpret this character, not by what the dictionary says, but by what it means to you. I'm forcing you to think to some extent about what it means to you, who do you think has this sort of character, and why. Of course there are going to be people who have no clue what this character means, or are unable to read the font, therefore I will include this, Xia. |
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This is a paper about something where remaining true to yourself has gotten in the way of success or living, it was to be turned in under a pseudonym. This paper is about 3 weeks late as a result of me not being in the proper mindset to write.
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I’ve come to realize that my perceptions of things are rather peculiar when compared to those of others. Because of this I’ve been considered a strange character, and it sometimes gets in the way of things. Recently I have noticed certain differences in how I perceive people. Often times when others perceive a person they see them only from their experiences, and those that their friends have told them of as well. From these they draw their conclusions, end of story, this is how the other person is. In my case however, I understand that there’s a great deal more to the person than subjective details that I may have learned, so I don’t judge them as others do. Even as people say that a person has done evil things, and wish for me to not associate with them because of that, I find myself unable to simply leave them. It seems reasonable to me that if a person is doing bad things, having a good influence of some sort may be able to keep them away from an even more dangerous path. My friends don’t always see eye to eye with me in these cases though, and I’ve lost a few as a result, but often times gain them back. Another thing that I don’t see eye to eye with people on that has caused me strife with people is my view on religion. I’ve done a great deal of exploration in terms of religion, from Orthodox Christianity to Far East studies in Buddhism and Taoism, and even some of the smaller religions such as Scandinavian Asatru. Around here, many of these certainly aren’t typical religions to know anything about, and when conversation turns around to the topic of religion I often times contribute some of my knowledge on these subjects. Unfortunately, the understanding of these religions isn’t shared by many people here, so whatever prejudices or stereotypes they know or hold come out, and I’m taken aback at what they have to say. Even so, I think it must be very much the same from their position, hearing someone like me question their religion because I don’t necessarily understand their beliefs. These examples don’t seem to get in the way of things, but there are so many other things like this where I do not agree very well with convention. The reactions I receive to what I believe are often times cruel, it’s discouraging, and it damages the concept of self that I’ve developed through meditation and soul-searching over many years. The scrutiny that I face, I know so many people face the same thing, and it’s a terrible feeling. In the past there have been many philosophers who have fallen prey to such a thing, it has even meant death for a great number of them as well. That’s why silence seems to prevail over great thinkers. That’s why even under the guise of anonymity I was unable to explain myself for the longest time. A student of Zen once asked why the enlightened man doesn’t simply stand up and explain himself. It’s a rather simple matter why not, if not to protect his concept of self, who else could understand his treasure? For instance, in The Alchemist, the Alchemist was approached by armed tribesmen who searched his belongings, only finding the Philosopher’s Stone and Elixir of Life, the Alchemist explained these things as the great treasures that they were, and the tribesmen laughed at the Alchemist. What is the point of sharing my treasure with those who will only laugh at it? I am disillusioned by the way people have acted towards each other, and the fact that there seems to be no end to this behavior.
This paper is very late, but there’s some reasoning behind that, it’s my kind of reasoning of course. I had to consider this seriously for some time, organize my thoughts, and find the proper mindset with which to write. Topics like this require a particular mindset which is rare. It’s the mindset which I need in order to rant about anything important to me, and put it into coherent thoughts. I can always try to express the message of my heart through words, but that doesn’t always mean that it’ll be understandable by any means. I suppose that’s another problem, being unable to express myself properly all of the time, but when I am able to express myself I am able to do so with tremendous clarity. I will leave plenty of space for you to express yourself below, and on the backs of these sheets of paper. My grammar may not be perfect in the least, my vocabulary sparse at times, my mind unusual, and my thoughts scattered, but I am content with who I am. Thus I see no point in not saying who I really am upon this paper. |
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I honestly did not know this existed until a half hour ago...
I have no parents; I make the Heavens and the Earth my parents.
I have no home; I make the Tan T'ien my home.
I have no divine power; I make honesty my Divine Power.
I have no means; I make Docility my means.
I have no magic power; I make personality my Magic Power.
I have neither life nor death; I make Om my Life and Death.
I have no body; I make Stoicism my Body.
I have no eyes; I make The Flash of Lightning my eyes.
I have no ears; I make Sensibility my Ears.
I have no limbs; I make Promptitude my Limbs.
I have no laws; I make Self-Protection my Laws.
I have no strategy; I make the Right to Kill and the Right to Restore Life my Strategy.
I have no designs; I make Seizing the Opportunity by the Forelock my Designs.
I have no miracles; I make Righteous Laws my Miracle.
I have no principles; I make Adaptability to all circumstances my Principle.
I have no tactics; I make Emptiness and Fullness my Tactics.
I have no talent; I make Ready Wit my Talent.
I have no friends; I make my Mind my Friend.
I have no enemy; I make Incautiousness my Enemy.
I have no armour; I make Benevolence my Armour.
I have no castle; I make Immovable Mind my Castle.
I have no sword; I make No Mind my Sword. |
| » Ah, I feel relaxed |
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It has been quite a while since I've updated, and thus, you should be prepared for an update of epic proportions. Well, maybe not epic proportions, but many reasonable servings that leave you satisfied.
Spring break wasn't terrible, it wasn't great either though. I went to Vegas, a truely amazing city. Don't take amazing lightly, when I say that, it means that something in genuinely amazing, the city, the lights, the buildings, the people, the feeling, it was all something I had never seen before. Vegas seemed to have one particular difference among the people there, no one dared to speak to strangers, everyone minded their own business to the extent at which one might feel as though they are being left out in the cold. In all of the places that I have travelled to, I have never seen such a thing, in every place I have travelled to, people have talked to me just to be friendly, and not because they have something to sell. It wasn't a very good feeling, but I suppose with friends there with me, things might be different. I happened to visit Death Valley as well, a strange place, silent, a tense tranquility, not like other deserts I've been to. There was a strange view as we entered, a long hill which seemed like a flat plain from my perspective, meeting another such hill, it gave a strange sensation which I can't accurately describe. Death Valley is otherworldly to say the least, especially when it rains, which I had the fortune of witnessing.
The rest of spring break I was at home, working on my Eagle Project. I'm glad it's done, I still have the board of review, but the write-up and project itself are done. I didn't get to see any of my friends for very long during this whole process, and it has been one of the most stressful periods of my life to say the least. However, it is also certainly one of the most rewarding.
Recently I've had the opportunity to have some serious discussions about religion, belief, and whatnot, with people of supposedly opposing views. Satanists and Christians. I've found however that when you remove the ritualism, the stereotyping, and misunderstanding within each, their goals are very much the same, only the means differ. I know I shouldn't judge people like this, but at the same time I think it should be said since it is honestly what I have found. When speaking to both sides the Satanists were much more willing to speak about their faith, to question it, and to reason with me in order to reach understanding, when speaking to the Christians, they did not have problems with speaking of their faith, but they often times refused to question it, and they had difficulty when reasoning with me because they expected me to understand their exclusive view of scripture. Once we got past that though, everything was simple.
Tomorrow is my 18th Birthday, and today I feel genuinely happy, I took a nap because I felt sick, and it was what I needed so I felt better and went for a drive, I didn't really go anywhere for a while, I just drove. I think that's what I really needed though, I had been inside for so long working on my Eagle Project, I just needed to get out. I saw some friends and got to cut loose for a while. It was great. I'm excited for tomorrow, I'm excited for Yin's safe return, I'm excited for life.
Tomorrow I will tilt my head back and laugh at the sky.
Apr. 4th, 2006 @ 09:26 pm
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| » Lady in Black... |
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She came to me one morning, one lonely Sunday morning,
her long hair flowing in the mid-winter wind.
I know not how she found me, for in darkness I was walking,
and destruction lay around me from a fight I could not win.
She asked me name my foe then. I said the need within some men
to fight and kill their brothers without thought of men or god.
And I begged her give me horses to trample down my enemies,
so eager was my passion to devour this waste of life.
But she would not think of battle that reduces men to animals,
so easy to begin and yet impossible to end.
For she the mother of all men had counciled me so wisely then
I feared to walk alone again and asked if she would stay.
"Oh lady lend your hand," I cried, "Oh let me rest here at your side."
"Have faith and trust in me," she said and filled my heart with life.
There is no strength in numbers. I've no such misconceptions.
But when you need me be assured I won't be far away.
Thus having spoke she turned away and though I found no words to say
I stood and watched until I saw her black cloak disappear.
My labor is no easier, but now I know I'm not alone.
I find new heart each time I think upon that windy day.
And if one day she comes to you drink deeply from her words so wise.
Take courage from her as your prize and say hello for me.
Mar. 19th, 2006 @ 04:27 pm
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| » Hidden Talent... |
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It seems to me that each person has at least one special ability, a talent which they cherish in themselves. I wonder what talent may lay buried under the masks that people wear. I wonder what talent may be hidden in myself, that I am yet to uncover or realize for myself.
I'm always amazed at the skills others have, those skilled in art, those skilled in acting, those skilled in writing, and every sort of thing. There has to be something of this sort that I'm skilled at. I can't draw or paint to save my life, I can't even act like an 'normal' person, much less a role in a show, and I can't write particularly well, at least not by school standards. To tell the truth though, I don't really mind not being skilled in these things. Why not? It's not who I am.
What are you skilled at?
Mar. 6th, 2006 @ 10:04 pm
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| » Hate Crime Punishment... |
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So we watched the Laramie Project video in Sociology, and discussed about punishing hate crimes more heavily than other crimes.
I'm going to take this down two paths, one which is guided by my heart, the other which is guided by my mind.
My heart tells me that hatred driven crime is a terrible thing, and that it should be punished more heavily due to the fact that if it isn't punished, this sort of hate will perpetuate itself unless some measures are taken against it. On the other hand, people may resent even more so the additional punishment if it isn't taken care of in a sensible way. Hatred does not give people justification to be cruel to one another.
My mind tells me that hate crimes are an indignity, and something that happens due to foolishness and misunderstanding. Punishing hate crimes is strange and difficult, as it says that we can punish motives as well as crimes. If this is so, does that mean a crime without a motive such as in an accidental death caused by a car crash in bad weather should not be punished? Can we have it one way without having it the other? How can others accurately judge the motives of a person they have never met before, even knowing about their past?
What do you think?
Do you have questions too?
What are they?
Feb. 28th, 2006 @ 07:19 pm
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| » I wonder... |
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How will it all end?
Feb. 19th, 2006 @ 10:56 am
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| » (No Subject) |
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How do you know it's not a dream?
Feb. 16th, 2006 @ 09:19 pm
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| » A Whole New World |
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I can show you the world
Shining, shimmering, splendid
Tell me, princess, now when did
You last let your heart decide?
I can open your eyes
Take you wonder by wonder
Over, sideways and under
On a magic carpet ride
A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming
A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you
Now I'm in a whole new world with you
Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
Through an endless diamond sky
A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be
A whole new world
Every turn a surprise
With new horizons to pursue
Every moment red-letter
I'll chase them anywhere
There's time to spare
Let me share this whole new world with you
A whole new world
That's where we'll be
A thrilling chase
A wondrous place
For you and me
Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 08:00 pm
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| » #319 |
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To brag about your achievements and flaunt your writings are to rely on material things for your support. Actually if only you can retain the original lustre of your spirit, even if you cannot boast a single achievement or one line of writing, you have all the reason to be a dignified man.
Understand?
Feb. 13th, 2006 @ 09:15 pm
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| » Dreaming, rambling.... |
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Dreams are amazing things, to some, they are abstract creations of the mind which make no sense, sometimes they carry a nearly prophetic meaning, to me though, they seem to be an expression of who I wish to be. It's something akin to the dreams that Santiago had in the beginning of The Alchemist, I see what I want to become, where I want to be, and finding my treasure there.
What I want to become though, is outdated by cultural standards, and valued by few. I think this may add to the value of doing so, since, in all honesty, I've met very few who practice Bushido, even as martial artists. That's something that bothers me too, what I see in martial arts today, the arrogance and lack of belief in the old ways, it truely sickens me. Sure, they will go through the rituals of saying creeds and oaths, but when they do, does it really mean anything if they don't actually follow it?
I'll continue this rant later.
Feb. 9th, 2006 @ 09:13 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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"Still waters run deep..."
That is what Mr. Gulner told me when we spoke after the first few days of class. I've never been too outspoken, at least not verbally, I'm a poor writer as well. To be honest, words do not do justice to who I am for the most part, and thus, I remain silent. One day, I went to speak with Mr. Gulner, I had likened parts of Ecclesiastes to Zen, and he asked why I was so quiet in class and why I did not share this with others.
I pondered it for a moment, and I explained that the other students would not understand me, and would most likely insult me for having such thoughts. He told me that he understood this, that being genuine was a dangerous thing, people would not like me for it, they would envy me for it, and that he understood why I did not speak. I explained to him, that for the words that would be ignored, insulted, or have no meaning, I would not speak them, instead, I would use my actions.
He said that in that sort of silence there is strength, as it is with a martial artist who does not flaunt his skills needlessly, still waters run deep.
Feb. 6th, 2006 @ 09:04 pm
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| » Beware... |
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I have hired the Shinsengumi to protect my LiveJournal.
Feb. 5th, 2006 @ 09:48 pm
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| » 僕 は ストレンジカメレオン。 |
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I wanna be your gentleman
Let's go look for a place where we can change to be like someone else
I wanna be your gentleman
Let's try aiming for a forest that will hide us so that we won't hurt
Swimming in a dirty river with dirty me
You were really very pretty
While bobbing up and down after we finally got to the other side
I'm still thinking about it even now always
I like being with you and I hate almost everything else
A freakish chameleon that can't blend in with its surroundings
I want to sing a gentle song and I only need applause enough for one
That one would be you
I wanna be your gentleman
My tail that won't fall off properly is all thorny
I wanna be your gentleman
You can't treat the scratches, no they won't heal
'I bet it's just a little longer for sure' holding my breath all the while
We even tried lining up in some pointless line
'It's as if we live on, playing some unending prelude' you say
And we laugh as if we're already dead
Even if the world is all hit and miss and it's all cause and effect
And even if you realize that you just can't go on being the color you were born
Stand on your head, it still won't change I'm prepared to be destroyed
I'm a Strange Chameleon
Don't misunderstand, okay I'm not sad or anything like that
It's a tie-in, right? Loneliness and freedom are, always
Even if everything is a lie and it's all an alibi
And the cat that finally got used to you was only hungry the whole while
And it's all just an illusion that'll pop right away with a snap
The palm of your hand is still warm
The ages keep on spinning round fearlessly
And the page that we spent together will be torn and carried away
And become a single worthless fossil in history
I'm still glad that I met you
Bye Bye I'm a Strange Chameleon
Feb. 5th, 2006 @ 03:00 pm
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| » Chinese name... |
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I'm looking to get a Chinese name in addition to my American and Japanese names.
Suggest whatever you think would be appropriate and explain it please.
Feb. 3rd, 2006 @ 07:47 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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Feb. 1st, 2006 @ 09:12 pm
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